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College students with eating disorders

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Eetless - now am going to eat less... [Aug. 6th, 2007|04:59 pm]
College students with eating disorders
[mood |stressedstressed]

Ok so its been a long time since i updated - ALOT has happened since - i finally lost the weight i put on during exams... got down to 103 lbs and managed to maintain a low weight for a while... but then due to boy troubles, and lots of work i have managed to put on ALOT of weight in the last 2 months.... i cant stop binging, a bit of purging etc... but no starvation :( have stopped the Eetless(altho my weight loss was def due to them and they do work) - but have gone off them because had been on them for a year and u're only meant to be on them for a month... they have def affected my moods and i seem to swing between moods much more than i used to - almost as if i'm bipolar... and i thnk they've affected my intelligence - sounds strange but i often feel confused and a little loopy... hmmm - has anyone else tried Eetless? google it if u want info on it... anyway have decided to turn it around and return to the world of thinness - am sick of being FAT FAT FAT FAT AAAAAARGHH
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Back to the old me [Jan. 1st, 2007|02:37 pm]
College students with eating disorders
Back to the old me... am now finally 108 lbs... maybe less - am 49 kgs. God its taken me sooo long to get here... finally am back to the original me :)

Have been taking Eetless for about 4 months now - i know am not meant to take it longer for a month but its worked so well - have lost 44lbs, about 20 kgs :) its totally suppressed my appetite :)

leave me a message if u like - would love to have more ana supportive friends :) u can add me to msn if u like

have a fab day!
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(no subject) [Oct. 7th, 2006|10:42 am]
College students with eating disorders

It has been like a year since i have even logged on to livejournal so please forgive me for my absence. I’m not sure if anyone will be able to relate to this/ appreciate this but I really need to say a few things. I guess I just want to speak to any of you who are still in the “beginning phases” of your eating disorder. I joined livejournal three years ago in order to ‘improve’ my eating disorder (“improve” in my case meant mastering my eating disorder… losing as much weight as possible- making my eating disorder worse).
I feel like such a hypocrite writing this because I can’t even follow my own advice… and because every statement that I’m about to make will probably contradict another statement in the same sentence.
I just want to say that developing an eating disorder may, at first, seem incredibly powerful, it may make you feel that you have more control of your life or make you feel better about yourself.
The problem with this perception is that it is disguising reality. It is making you think you’re happy when you really aren’t.
It won’t be too long before you really start to hate your eating disorder. And I don’t want to even entertain anyone who is thinking “oh I’ll never let it get out of control... I couldn’t~ even if I wanted it to”. – that’s what I thought & guess what? No matter what you do, IT will end up controlling YOU. IT will end up making you feel WORSE about your body no matter how much weight you lose.
The one thing that no one tells you is that there is no such thing as winning when it comes to eating disorders. No matter how much weight you lose, no matter how little you eat, you will always convince yourself that you could do better. You could work out more, you could eat less, you could get thinner & thinner. You’ll start to realize that no matter how low the number on the scale gets you still won’t be happy.
You will start canceling plans with friends/family so that you can work out. You won’t be able to study because your brain is lacking the carbohydrates it needs in order to think properly. You will start ditching your friends so that you can plan your meals/ figure out how to cut even more calories out of your 400 calories-a-day diet. Your entire day will revolve around when you can work out, when you can eat, what you can eat, how you can trick your friends/family into believing that you are eating………
I could go on and on until I die from this fucking disease but I’ll spare you. The bottom line is that you will NEVER be happy as long as you continue to nurture your eating disorder.
The sad thing is that even after writing all this down- I still will continue to let myself spiral down this destructive path because I have to.
If you are in ANY WAY able to save yourself from this horrible life- PLEASE- do it before you get sucked in. Because once you do it stays with you forever and runs your entire fucking life.
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(no subject) [Oct. 6th, 2006|06:34 pm]
College students with eating disorders

[mood |lonelylonely]
[music |Portishead 'Its a Fire']

Haven't posted in a while...sorry. Here's my stats:
weight: 109
height: 5'7.25"
BMI: 16.9
age: 23
major (just for randomness): physics
job: astronomer, occasional modeling

So, I've been a member here for about 2 years. Sometimes I'd post everyday, sometimes I would go months. I was wondering if anybody has any ideas about improving the community so more of us would have more of an incentive to post more often. I think I would post/visit here more often if people updated their stats or related, yet brief, life-situations. I think if this community encouraged more of an intellectual and philosophical theme, then long-term members, like myself, and new members, might be prone to active involvement.

Any opinions on this matter? I've suggested all this because in the past years, the community has seemed off and on, and I would like to see it evolve into a supportive and enticing community.
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kidney infection [Oct. 4th, 2006|02:39 am]
College students with eating disorders

hey I havent updated bc I have been in bed for the past few days. I went and got tested today I have a kidney infection =( I dunno if its from fasting and not eating I dunno...but all I know is I have to go back tom to get treated and they are going to force me to eat...force...I hate it

I broke out in hives to the medicine they gave me the first time. I weighed myself today...and the worst part about it is I havent lost anything since Ive been sick...go figure....still at fucking 128.5...yesterday I was 129...I havent been doing anything and my weight fluctuates...WTF

Om dreading tom Im on like no sleep for the past 4 days...hm maybe 10 hrs at most Ive gotten of sleep I have to go to the hospital...and be forced to have ivys shoved up my body...

well this medicine is making me nauseated...I g2g Ill update when I can
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finally [Oct. 2nd, 2006|12:59 am]
College students with eating disorders

hey girls...ok so now I get to post! It's a new month! And I started off well....I've started my fast as of 7pm this evening. My plan is to have tons of water/ sauce (like apple sauce)...if not maybe a piece of fruit..or even a slim fast by the middle of the day so it holds my hunger....and workout a lot...I mean like burn 2000 calories in one day just by exercise...Im not gonna workout everyday just so I dont pass out....but I mean it by saturday morning I will be at 123.....

Dandelion, you have motivated me soo much ;) congrats girly! stay strong.

And all the girls I have been chatting with on AIM, thank you all so much you have inspired me and its great to know when I wanna give up I can just go to my bl and with one click talk to someone...

Here comes the fast...Im so excited and I really cant wait to lose. That whole entry before was my bf really getting on my ass...about losing weight and how I need to eat more and I shouldnt fall back into old ways but what he doesnt know is that Ive been falling back for the past four months. It has been on and off but now Im really sick of looking the way I do and feeling the way I do that the only way to make me feel better is to restrict and fast. Its the only thing I can do to make myself satisfied. And it makes me feel great. When I wake up and I see numbers have gone down I feel like I can conquer the world...

It means so much to me to get back to 90. Thats all I want for christmas. I want to be able to fit into all my old clothes that I have saved just for that purpose. I want to be able to go to hollister and wear the xs...I want to be able to look amazing in my victoria secret panties and bra. I wanna feel confident. Forget working hard at it...fasting and restricting is me working hard at it.

I miss the moments where my boyfriend said "wow I can feel your hip bones popping out" sure he said he didnt like it but thats what I want.

So tomorrow this is my fast: water all day and have a slim fast around 1...and somewhere I will fit in a yogurt and thats it...

thats around 220 calories...which will be burned off...ew 220 thats a lot I wish I could go eating no calories...and be fine...

alright girls I wish you all the best of luck...rem its a new month, a new beginning!

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fasting for real this time [Oct. 1st, 2006|07:50 pm]
College students with eating disorders

So that long entry I wrote the other day...scratch it out....I lied...Its too hard to eat 900 calories. I cant bring myself to do it. I feel gross after eating 500...

So im on this fast starting right now....Im going home just for the day on Saturday so I need to be 123...so this time I'm gonna try my hardest to see how long I can really fast. Im not even going to put a limit on it...Im just gonna do it and all I know is it has to be past 10 days....

my bf was here all weekend...and I binged...still at 128 but thats gonna change...

ahh Im so excited...I g2g though I really gotta start my hw...Ill update before bed tonight
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question [Oct. 1st, 2006|06:01 pm]
College students with eating disorders

for about a few months, iv been throwing up my food. it started with 'here and there' and now its everyday =[ i totally dont like doing it but i finally lost 15 pounds that iv been trying to get rid of for a very long time. someday, id like to stop throwing up but for now...its the way for me to deal.

My question is, for those who are "in the know" lets say if i were to eat something now....how long would it stay in the stomach for until it goes to digest? i understand im not getting rid of all calories but most of it is fine by me. i cant throw up immediatly after eating cuz there's still chunks (sorry lol) and it hurts...but if i wait for half an hour or so....it comes out alright. what are your takes on this?
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(no subject) [Oct. 1st, 2006|02:15 pm]
College students with eating disorders

Hey girls I just wanted to say sorry Ive been soooo busy Ill update tonight...things arent as good as I said in the last entry. My mind said one thing and my body and soul said another...Its hard to just decide to eat....Ill fill you in l8er
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uhh...Girls, I'm stuck [Sep. 29th, 2006|07:08 pm]
College students with eating disorders

[mood |accomplished]

yea so I started out great...there was no fruit in the market basket...so I had to go the cafe...which is buffet...and I binged...BLAH so much for my 10 day fast. I just got weak all of a sudden and I saw all this food right in front of me. I feel really disgusting now....but like always....I came back and made out a new schedule for this week. I have to stick to this or else its not gonna be worth it. I always do so good during the week...then the weekend comes and I say ok I can do it and I cant...I havent ate anything since....I dont plan on it...I made a schedule where I go to the gym 3x everyday...so Im thinking I can eat close to 900 calories and burn it all off at the gym each time. Because I made my meals so that I can go to the gym an hour later and burn it right off. This way I'll have energy and I will lose at the same time. My boyfriend is on to me again. SO I have to make it look like Im eating or else hes gonna break up with me. I'm still not going to be eating enough, but I'll have enough energy to sustain my workouts and make both me and my boyfriend happy.

I dont know how you girls keep up with this. I try and I always dig myself into a huge ditch. I think I said this before a few weeks ago...the only reason why I wanna lose is to lose weight fast. It's the all american quick fix. I don't need to lose wieght the easy way. I wanna work hard and be proud of myself. I have a gym right next to my dorm building. I never go home...I should take full advantage of this and work really hard for what I want. I don't want my bones to stick out so much that I look and feel disgusting. I want to look like Brooke Burk or Carmen Electra. They are fit, thin, and muscular. I don't wanna lose bc Im not eating and then I start to eat and gain it all back. I realized that is what happened to me before. Thats why my cycle never stops. It just keeps going and I lose a few pounds here and there but I never reach my goals. It's because I dont eat, then I binge, then I dont eat again...and I over exercise...its not helping me lose at all. This morning I woke up and I was BACK AT 130! WTF...just bc of that stupid sandwhich I ate lastnight??? this is why I cant do this anymore. I cant just eat 400 or 500 calories a day. It's not working.

So here's the deal. I don't wanna fast anymore. I'm not going to eat anything for the rest of the night and I'm just going to start all over with this tomorrow. A new workout (I found Britney Spears' workout routine from when she had the best body of her life...like around 2002-2003) it was on MTV diary if you've seen it...I figure I could use her workout with mine plus swim, take yoga, kickboxing, and pilates and get back to what I want the right

I have until Spring to be in bikini body top shape..thats over 6 months from now. I know for sure I can eat, workout, and get what I want in that amount of time. I want to be able to eat with my friends even if I'm only eating a salad.

I love all you so much and I really give you credit for being able to do this. I guess I've just realized that this isnt for me anymore. Not the livejournal, I still wanna post and keep you all updated on my status because you all are like a family to me. I know that sounds weird, but I honestly feel like I have grown a relationship with each and everyone of you just by reading your entries every day. I was watching celebrity fit club lastnight, and all of these people, ordinary people lose weight and meet their targets by working at it. It's like anything else. You study for a test and you pass and the feeling after you get your passing grade is just amazing. Your proud you did what you had to do to get that grade....thats what I want. I dont want to disappoint myself or my boyfriend anymore. I don't wanna wake up and be so tired during the day that I can't even focus....that's not what I want.

What I want is to lose weight. Lose weight and get toned...the only way I can do that is not to harm my body the way I have been for the past 7 years...I don't want to die. I want to be healthy...

Please comment and I hope you all still want me part of your communities. I want you all to see how far I can go with this and really reach my goals the right way. I'm still restricting but not as much...900 calories is just enough not completely enough but enough to keep me going and to help me lose. In order to lose you have to burn more than you take in...and thats my plan...
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